So i have always wanted to share my feelings on how my life has been so far, who is in my life, who is out of my life that should come back and other shit like that. The only thing that impeded me from doing so was my mind. So I am going to attempt to do so, but forgive me the subject changes by the end of this post.
I am now 16 and in less than 4 months i will be turning 17 and i can say i have experienced the bleak side of life for the first 16 and-a-half years. My sister says i had it easy cause I went Virginia with my band at 14 and Chicago recently but even that took a ton of convincing. I have always been unhappy with being locked up inside the box i call home. Don’t get me wrong i love having a home to come to, but the countless hours alone inside of it make it seem more like a prison. I am not able to just go to a friends house because my parents believe that if you have a house to go to there is no need to be in anyone else’s. My childhood bestfriend and I aren’t as close anymore, and most of the people I grew up with think I am clinically insane. They say we have it easy, but its not easy watching everybody enjoy life and your’e just there learning off other peoples trial and tribulations. You want to experience for yourself. I have never had(by my standards) a real relationship, and that doesn’t really phase me much, but damn at the rate i am going I will probably experience “Teenage Love” for the first time when I am 30. Coincidentally i think i’ll just stop trying my hand with love, the anger and frustration and tears aren’t worth it(Yes they are, don’t listen to me i’m crazy.) I think the closest i have ever been was… nope not than either, I guess it was never. I have had girlfriends but they were only titular. Nothing special was ever done by either party. The most special thing i have ever done for a girl in chronological order is:
- When i was five I gave Annie (who was 9 at the time) flowers
- I wrote Michelle a letter and it was exactly how i felt ant the moment. I don’t feel the same way probably but i was honest.
- And last week I invited Jacqueline to see Grease and i bought her ticket
Three things pretty sad right but my life has always been limited by my surrounding. Its funny cause Annie and I don’t talk anymore. Michelle and I only speak when we pass each other and Jacqueline and I that is a work in progress…maybe, I don’t what is going on there to be honest, but that is a different quest for a different day.
As it seem my mindset seem really primitive environmentally and that is because it is. But to be honest it is probabially for the better i just wish i can be able to say so for myself.
-JP3
Kanye West, Pro Era, OFWGKTA, Peas and Carrots, Childish Gambino, GOOD Music
